Kit antitroll: cartellino giallo.

Istruzioni: questo modulo serve a rendere più comodo sbarazzarsi dai troll. Si può usare  nei forum, sui social, e in tutti i casi in cui s'incontra il buon vecchio Dick Internet. Basta copiare, incollare e personalizzare il testo, e farlo ogni volta che si individuano i segni del trollaggio (è il caso di familiarizzarsi con le sottogliezze di quest'arte oscura). Immediatamente dopo l'uso del form, bisogna scollegarsi dalla discussione (il che è il senso principale di tutta l'operazione), e ci si gode la pace portata dal silenzio. Evitate di usare il modulo troppo spesso, e tenete solo le violazioni commesse (se volete, potete citare la fonte).riducete alle  gli eccessi,  Il modo in cui lo uso io: 

1. Alla  prima violazione, invio questo modulo e cesso ogni interazione diretta.
2. Alla seconda violazione reinvio la notifica seguita da un avviso di killfile  seguito dal ban (una classica sequenza cartellino giallo/rosso, tanto non imparano mai)

Soprattutto, non fate come Dick, e seguite le regole della casa.

Licenza: CC-BY-NC-ND

Salve, devo purtroppo avvisarti che hai violato le regole della casa.

In particolare le tue infrazioni sono: (spuntare tutte le infrazioni rilevanti)

 1.1 Ti sei comportato da troll
 1.2 Ti sei comportato in maniera arrogante
 1.3 Ti sei comportato in maniera stupida
 2.1 Ti sei comportato in maniera fastidiosa
 2.2 Hai fatto osservazioni personali
 2.3 Hai insultato altri utenti
 2.4 Ti sei comportato da adolescente senza esserlo (Se hai meno di 15 anni, fallo presente e questa infrazione non sarà presa in considerazione)
 3.1 Sei stato irrazionale
 3.2 Sei stato maleducato

Inoltre, hai agravato la tua posizione con le seguenti azioni: (spuntare tutte le aggravanti applicabili)

 doxxing

 net-stalking

 aver tenuto comportamenti incredibilmente asinini

 aver messo per iscritto frasi che richiederebbero un esposto al tribunale

 aver dimostrato di possedere una bassissima padronanza della lingua e di essere incapace di comprendere un testo scritto

 aver tenuto un comportamento normalmente associato a gravi disordini neurologici/psichiatrici

 aver provato, al di là di ogni ragionevole dubbio, di essere incapace di intrattenere penseri coerenti (e lasciamo stare il pensiero razionale)

 aver messo in mostra ignoranza ed inadeguatezza intellettuale in quantità stupefacente perfino per internet (e ce ne vuole)

 Altro:................................................................

Questo utente osserva le regole della casa, e perciò  terminerà ora la conversazione. Inoltre disabiliterà le notifiche, per darti agio di reagire con una delle elaborate e leggeremente patetiche risposte tipiche di queste situazioni, senza con ciò esserne ulteriormente disturbato. In caso di ulteriori infrazioni, l'utente si riserva il diritto di inserirti nella sua ban list (Wikipedia search: plonk), un luogo tranquillo dove potrai continuare a comportarti male senza essere sentito.

Cordialmente,

Nota Bene: questo è un modulo prestampato, l'originale aggiornato si trova a questo indirizzo.

Taking the fun out of trolling: the killfile (a.k.a. plonking)

Instructions: the following form is provided for your plonking comfort. You may use it on internet boards, forums, etc. any time you meet our old friend Dick from the internet. Just copy and paste to let Dick know that whatever residual interest you had in him is exhausted, and you'll no longer be able to hear him making an ass of him/herself. My rule of thumb is: 

1. Send a violation notice and disengage from direct interaction on first offence  
2. Send a further notice and plonk on repeat violation (that's two strikes, and you're out - you don't really need three for this kind of scum)

Obviously, you don't have to warn trolls that you're plonking them, but doing it gives a nice closure feeling, and explicitly classifies as childish and useless further attempts of the trolls to contact you. Just be sure to never resume contact with the plonked individual unless a very long time has passed (and even then, I wouldn't, but that's me). Don't overdo this or you'll soon run out of people to talk to.

Above all, don't be like Dick, and  be sure to follow the house rules yourself. Always follow the house rules.

License: CC-BY-NC-ND

Welcome to my killfile!

I am writing this to inform you that you finally made it: you have been plonked. Most people never get even close to this place, but you are such a special person, and this place fits you to a T. This a moment to celebrate both as an achievement and as the last time we get a chance to talk (actually, that last chance is already gone for you).

This place has many names: the bitbucket, /dev/null, the ignore list... but I love our internet traditions, and I like its grim original name: killfile.

So,now you're here, look around. 

Make yourself at home. 

Have conversations (with yourself).

If you feel like it, feel free to behave like a jerk (I know that's a natural to you).

Or, just keep trolling away as you usually do.

Don't worry, I won't mind. As a matter of fact, I won't be even able to hear you - that's what killfiles are for.

Please note: this is a form letter.

Taking the fun out of trolling: violation notice

Instructions: the following form is provided for your comfort. You may use it on internet boards, forums, etc. any time you meet our old friend Dick from the internet. Just copy, paste and customize as applicable, any time you sense the trolling is beginning (be hip to the subtler forms of this dark art). After that, disengage from any followup discussion (that's the whole point, really) and enjoy the ensuing peace of mind. Don't overdo it, and trim the form to the actual offense(s). My rule of thumb is: 

1. Send this violation notice and disengage from direct interaction on first offence  
2. Send a further notice, followed by a killfile notice and a plonk on repeat violation (that's two strikes, and you're out - you don't really need three for this kind of scum)

Above all, don't be like Dick, and  be sure to follow the house rules yourself. Always follow the house rules.

License: CC-BY-NC-ND

Cheers.

Unfortunately, you have been found in violation of the house rules.

Your specific violations are : (check all that apply)

1.1 Being a troll
1.2 Being a dick
1.3 Being a jerk
2.1 Insulting people
2.2 Making personal remarks
2.3 Making a nuisance of yourself
2.4 Behaving like a juvenile while not being one (If you are younger than 15, please declare it and this violation will be struck from your record.)
3.1 Being irrational
3.2 Being rude

In addition, you have aggravated your position by: (check all that apply)

doxxing

net-stalking

being asinine beyond belief

writing statements that would be best addressed in a court of law

exhibiting extremely low literacy and reading-comprehension skills

behaving in the volatile manner typical of sufferers of a major neurological damage or disorder

proving, beyond reasonable doubt, of being incapable of coherent (let alone, rational) thought

displaying appalling amounts of ignorance and intellectual inadequacy, even for an internet post (quite a feat).

Other:................................................................

This user abides by the house rules, and will therefore terminate this thread and disable further notifications, so you can safely engage in writing pathetic parting shots (usual with your kind) without bothering him/her any further. At this user's discretion, you may, now or in the future, with or without warning, be added to the user's kill file/ignore list (Wikipedia search: plonk) where you'll be able to make an ass of yourself, without being heard.

Have a nice day.

Please note: this is a form letter