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Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Taking the fun out of trolling: violation notice

Instructions: the following form is provided for your comfort. You may use it on internet boards, forums, etc. any time you meet our old friend Dick from the internet. Just copy, paste and customize as applicable, any time you sense the trolling is beginning (be hip to the subtler forms of this dark art). After that, disengage from any followup discussion (that's the whole point, really) and enjoy the ensuing peace of mind. Don't overdo it, and trim the form to the actual offense(s). My rule of thumb is: 
  1. Send this violation notice and disengage from direct interaction on first offence  
  2. Send a further notice, followed by a killfile notice and a plonk on repeat violation (that's two strikes, and you're out - you don't really need three for this kind of scum)
Above all, don't be like Dick, and  be sure to follow the house rules yourself. Always follow the house rules.

License: CC-BY-NC-ND

Unfortunately, you have been found in violation of the house rules.

Your specific violations are : (check all that apply)

1.1 Being a troll
1.2 Being a dick
1.3 Being a jerk
2.1 Insulting people
2.2 Making personal remarks
2.3 Making a nuisance of yourself
2.4 Behaving like a juvenile while not being one (If you are younger than 15, please declare it and this violation will be struck from your record.)
3.1 Being irrational
3.2 Being rude

In addition, you have aggravated your position by: (check all that apply)

being asinine beyond belief
writing statements that would be best addressed in a court of law
exhibiting extremely low literacy and reading-comprehension skills
behaving in the volatile manner typical of sufferers of a major neurological damage or disorder
proving, beyond reasonable doubt, of being incapable of coherent (let alone, rational) thought
displaying appalling amounts of ignorance and intellectual inadequacy, even for an internet post (quite a feat).

This user abides by the house rules, and will therefore terminate this thread and disable further notifications, so you can safely engage in writing pathetic parting shots (usual with your kind) without bothering him/her any further. At this user's discretion, you may, now or in the future, with or without warning, be added to the user's kill file/ignore list (Wikipedia search: plonk) where you'll be able to make an ass of yourself, without being heard.

Have a nice day.

Please note: this is a form letter

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